Tired

I need a break. I'm tired.

poems

1.
In a perplexed state he wanders,
He is through with all these games,
For he has played far to long.
This tranquil feeling spreads as he closes his eyes.
She cannot help but fear destruction,
As a drop of rain falls,so does her gaze.
In rapture of the pain her heart skips a beat.
As the terrential down pour continues,
He breaks to a stop.
As she slowly grabs her things she wispers "I love you" on last time,
Having barely closed the door,he speeds away,
Leaving her there in the heavy down pour,
An unspoken reflection on wht was once had is lost in trepedation.
Death has come.
2.
And so in this moment at last,
She will try to forget her clandestine past,
She will walk from his arms,
Into a cloister of her own,
Taking on the charm that has left her alone,
Thriving to see her own defeat,
Once she falls she will slowly be beat,
In anger,
In sadness,
She will slowly fall.

3. Into a dream he falls,
The defeat she has presented him calls,
A cold awareness of where he lies,
Causes him to open his swollen eyes.
In her presence he has now become austere,
Pulling away from her words that tear.
With these spurious dreams he slowly dies,
Dreaming days and dreaming nights.
"For they who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who only dream by night,"
Her stoic demeanor will drive him away,
Into ination he will sway.

4. Standing here,
Falling so gently never hurt so much,
Why is this pain wind breaking my heart?
So swiftly I'm carried to a moment of ethereal bliss,
Silently wasting away.
Flickering in and out I am unaware,
Panic spreads over,
And then follows dispare,
As I pallidy awaken,
You gesture to free this heart that has been taken.
I fall into you,
And I quicly stand on my own,
Strength was all I needed.

Beach Evening

The other night I decided that I would go to the beach...I took pictures, here they are:

Results are in

Ok so all this ignoring my blog has gone to good use. I had my first exams this past week, and I got the rest of my grades today.
Here they are:
PE: 91%
Art History: 100% !!!!!!!
Western Civ: 94%
and Finally
(drum roll please)
a 93% in Psychology....it may not sound great, but I have the highest grade in my class!!
I am so excited.
Oh and these arent all my classes I have Design I and English 111 too.
I am accomplishing my goals! They are maintain all A's and attend all classes. I am finaly proud of my self for something.

UGH!

Ok guys! I have been so busy, and when i finally have more time i'll post a blog and update, I just wanted to let you know that I havent forgotten about this!!

(None)

About me:I'm Katie. I never seem to run out of things to say. As of now: My life is a whirlwind, but I hug it like a harmless little tree. Its and earthquake, but I calm it. I need a new town to leave all this behind. I'm not interested in being someone else anymore. I'm not interested in being someones priority, I'm interested in Being my own. "How many lovers would stay, just to put up with this everyday and all day???" My greatest desire is to get out and be what I've always dreamed and wanted for myself.

Never know

I am so incredibly happy. Its weird to not be sad and depressed anymore....but its amazing to feel this content and at was. I was thinking last night wondering why I was feeling this, but then I decided I dont want to know! I dont want to ruin it or have it taken away!!!! I love it!!

Pictures I love

I love my sis so much!! I can't wait to see her this weekend!

It took me some time

But now and I am strong. There is no need for me to cry anymore. I've got myself to look after..I've got myself to be strong for. I've found strength and courage in that for the first time..I'm used to looking for that in other people, but now I've found it in myself.

Poem

"Subconsciously Written"
By. me
Hidden in this captive place,
A memory she cannot erase.
All the words fall short
,They leave undefined the way she feels inside.
He corrects her where she lies,
Hiding under this beautiful wicked disguise.
Deception is not always truth,
It is all that lies beneath her.

Toxic Town

This town is only fool* of liars. All thats left are the people who have bad intentions. All thats left are people like her. I am better than that. I am not a liar, stealer or cheat. I am a beautiful honest person.

I want..no I need to get out of this place.


* Spelled this way intentionally

P.S. Love you Momma and Daddy! I wish I was in the Holy City..I would feel better

The Mask

"Mask"
"The mask she wears covers who she really is from the rest of the world,
No emotion on her sleeve,
This covers all of them.
With tears in her eyes she hides away from those around her,
She lets go of every word,
As if it has no meaning.
Her heart cannot take it anymore.
She uses this cache to veil that which she really is,
Falling into this diguise,
She allows no one to view her soul.
Concealment is her goal,
This facade secretly accompanies her.
The rest of the world drives on,
Simply unaware of this disappearing beauty.
Where tears once stood,
She can only provide empty eyes.
Where a smile once formed,
Her lips become death-like.
No emotions.

Summer '07 is over in 1 day

This summer is coming to an end. I start school tomorrow morning at 9am with a Western Civ class! So exciting! I am a little nervous, because this is such a new experience for me, but the unknown aspect of it intrigues me.

This summer has been filled with many new adventures, and many beautiful days. I have grown a lot, and also learned much about myself and the people around me. I has been a rough summer.

But college for me is a fresh start, and I am optimistic about the out come.

I'd like to thank my Momma for getting me this far in school, she is the most intelligent woman I know. Until recently I never realized how blessed I was to have her as my teacher all these years. She prepared me for things and situations I never thought I would met, but when they came about having here knowledge helped me through. Thank you Momma.

I'd like to thank my Daddy for his sense of humor, because even though we may not always get along or agree on things(boys in particular) you are always there to make laugh, which I would be lost without! It nice to have someone there like you who is just obsessed with Harry Potter as I am. Thank you for sharing your stories of the struggles you have been through, because I even though I may not fully appreciate it now, one day when I look back at what I've gone through I'll know that all that stregth came from you. You are Batman :)

P.S. I know I'm not smarter that you :)

I'd like to thank my sister, Baby Girl as Momma Calls her. She has stuck by me through everything. She's my best friend, I would dissapear without her.

I'd like to thank Jon. He is the coolest cook I know. He is one of the funniest people I know, and also one of the most talented!

And last but not least, Andy Roo. My insanity in the family(though, we are all a little crazy!) Whenever I want to have a goo time, I find my little man!

My family is my rock.

I feel

I feel like a huge weight and dissapointment to everyone in my life. I feel like I am in everyone elses way of success. And instead of people listening to what I want for myself they are to busy telling me that they now what I want(even though they don't) and they know and want whats best for me(which i dont disagree with). I am so emotionally tired and drained of this. I can't make anyone happy. I wish I could just work on what make me happy, which is my art, but its just not happening.
I wish that instead of people telling me that I'm wrong they could help me in a more positive way. I need that.
But as of this moment..I am my only influence, and I am going to work on making myself happy.

Momma Bear's Birthday!

Todays is Momma's Birthday!

My mother is probably one of the most inspiring people I know. Seeing all that she has accomplished, and yet she strives for more. She has sacrificed so mush for her family and her children. She is also a great companion! Who else could I jump in the car with and go on and edwin weekend with the girls? She is always there handing out the greatest advice, teaching me all that she has learned, making me laugh so hard in Hechts playing with the mannaquins and there underwear, or humoring me when I discover Spotted dick, and supporting me in everything I do.

I dont know what I would do with out my momma! I love you momma! Happy Birthday!

Momma and I at the Bowling Alley

In the Kitchen whipping up something amazing!

At Angel Oak with Dad.

Momma and Christianne

Mom and I in the Mountains

A fun night at Hechts with mom!

I think this speaks for itself!

Bitter Sweet Symphony

My Camera came today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!! Pics will be on here soon!




I wrote this quite a while ago, but I love it.


I am Bitter Sweet. I am everything I want to be, whether you see it or not. Tonight I am alone, but I am not lonely. I now see everything I never thought I would quite understand. I can change, no matter what you say. But you cannot change me. I'm here in my room. Listening to this sound we simply call life. It passes us by, whether gently or not, it flows. Where will you end up, I guess we shall never know. What's the point in waiting around? Its happening right in front of you, don't let it pass you by. This all takes courage, it takes strength, it takes independence, it takes YOU!! Don't let yourself down. You are the symphony. You are the reason. You are the reason for all the good, for all the things you never did, for all the things you wish you had, for all the things you have done, for everything you gain, for everything you lose. You are the reason. At this place in the road you choose your path. You choose loneliness, you choose anger, you choose passion, you choose love, you choose. No one makes up your mind, you do. "You must become the change you wish to see in the world." You and God are the only sure thing. If everything else around you falls apart you can still make it through. You can still live. You can still decide if you fall or stand up. You can't make them understand you. You can't make them believe you, trust you, want you, be there for you. Because if God is there walking through this with you. But you can believe in yourself, trust your decisions, want what you have, and you can never fail for yourself. YOU are responsible.


I wrote this a while ago too...but i like it alot, but its weird, because its metaphorical for a lot of things that were and are going on in my life.


The knife is being gently twisted,
Making the pain more unbearable than before.
Jealousy seems to be a pattern in this wicked place,
It separates them.
The numbers went from many to few,
And now only to one.
One,
Can one be trusted?
Is one worth it?
Wouldn't none be better than one?
These contemplations turn over in her mind,
and in her heart.
The question is inevitable,
The answer is not what she had wanted.
But then again,
Is anything exactly as she wanted?
Another knife,
but this one hurts much worse.
In the epiphiny of the moment she collapses,
She falls into who she knew she was.
As she packs her bags,
she gently lays to rest the hurts that she has held for far to long.
A new journey lies ahead,
But this one is not yet complete.
With each passing day the knife continues to be turned,
Each breath,Each second until the day when she can go.
His words still echo in her mind,
His truths,
His lies,
His wisdom,
And his criticism.
She knows now that these are only her decisions.

.....

Its a curious thing the way you make me feel,
And not a good curious either.
I don't understand what I'm doing,
But it obviously is not right.


I'm really sad.
:(

I keep listening to this song. Thinking somehow it might make me feel better, but its not working...........

Mad Rush

I noticed today, while wondering around the Food Tiger, that everyone is in a rush around here(including myself)! Tourist are in a rush to get there stuff done and get to the beach, I'm in a hurry to get myself out of that store and home, just so i can scramble out the door and go to work, where i will, yet again, be running around to make sure everything is going smoothly....

Why, I wonder, in such a place of "relaxation and peace," are we to busy to actually enjoy it?

Meditations

I'm feeling sort of lazy today, so i decided to use some quotes from Marcus Aurelius Antoninus, an amazing writer.

"Begin each day by telling your self: Today I shall not be meeting with interference, ingratitude, disloyalty, illwill, and selfishness-all of them due to offenders' ignorance of what is good or evil."

"Hour by hour resolve firmly , like a Roman and a man, to do what comes to hand with correct and natural dignity, and with humanity, independence and justice. Allow your mind freedom from all other considerations."

"Are you distracted by outward cares? Then allow yourself a space of quiet, wherein you can add you knowledge of good and learn to curb your restlessness."

"Don't waste the rest of your life speculating about your neighbors, unless with a view to some mutual benifit."

"Treat with respect the power you have to form your own opinion"

"Remember that man only lives in the present, in this fleeting instant: a;; the rest of his life is either past and gone, or not yet revealed. This mortal life is a little thing, lived in a little corner of the earth."

mmk let me know what you thing, i'll write more quotes tomorrow!

The Beauty of a Serenade :)

A twist of fate,
A moment captured in timeFeel the music pulsing through your vains,
As you lean against the speaker.
Rush of blood as they begin to play,
Everything else disappears.
Feel it in your body,
Look into his eyes.
A beauty in the words you cannot describe,
A moment captured in time.

Another Chapter

So this is me:

My life is drastically changing now..a little scary. But I LOVE it!

Whats life without a little bit of craziness!?!

College starts soon(YIKES)